Trots, Liberals, Fags, Hippies evicted from Parliament Square

Parliament Square, much more interesting for tourists now

The long-running pro-democracy protest camp in Parliament Square has now been brought to an end by the authorities. The square has been fenced off to ensure it remains free. "Look here," said Boris with a flick of his hair. "When tourists come to Parliament Square they don't want to see a bunch of mangy protesters taking part in an active democratic process. They want to see a pristine patch of green that no one ever uses. Isn't that so much more civilised?"

The 'historic' if tedious patch of grass in front the Houses of Parliament has been the site of a pro-democracy protest for some weeks and has also reportedly become a refuge for homeless people. The Mayor cited the lack of running water as one reason the protesters could not be allowed to stay. "Look here," said Boris with a flick of his hair. "When protesting for your sacred right to govern yourselves it's simply ludicrous to have no decent source of water to mix with your single malt. These people are barbarians."

A spokesman for the police explained, "This is a public space. The last thing we want to do is let the public use it. Some of them have been drinking for god's sake. It's almost like Reading High Street. The point of public spaces is that in theory everyone should be able to use them, but in practice absolutely nothing should happen there. Our authority depends on ensuring this is the case." He went on to call the eviction 'a triumph for democracy'.

The pro-democracy demonstrators, a rag-tag bunch of Trots, Liberals, Fags and Hippies, could not be found for comment, on account of no reporter wanting to leave the office to talk to such scum.