Government pays unknown amount of money to Guantanamo 'torture victims' for unknown reasons and due to unknowable 'intelligence concerns' in order to speed up enquiry into itself to see if it knows whether it knows what it was doing to have to make unknown payments for unknown reasons to said alleged 'torture victims' and so establish once and for all its known innocence through an enquiry process known for getting the bottom of everything knowable

This post was jointly sponsored by the Sinister Clown Overlord Manifesto for Greater Absurdity in Politics and the Campaign for Longer Headlines.

It's not torture if someone else does if for you anyway