Man takes pity on Eric Pickles, gets pocket picked for trouble

Pitying him didn't pay

A man has made a complaint to police after an incident today in which he met Eric Pickles, Secretary of State for CLaG, and left the encounter with several items missing from his pockets.

"The problem was that I felt sorry for him," said David Spittals, a warm-hearted man from Chipping Ongar. "I thought people are always taking the piss out of him for being a 'fat kid' bully and generally being enormous and so on, and actually he must be really unhealthy. I mean he can't want to be that shape. So he has a problem with weight control, and I thought, he's human too, even if he is a politician."

But upon hugging Eric Pickles Mr Spittals noticed a tugging at his pockets. "I didn't think anything of it at the time," he says, "But I checked my pockets afterwards and my mobile phone and a biro had gone missing. And a piece of string. Imagine! When I had just tried to be nice to him. You take pity on someone and that's what you get for your trouble!"

Police say they are investigating the incident as part of a series of 'related incidents'. They refused to be drawn on whether they were all related to Eric Pickles or whether other members of the coalition government have also been involved.