Police call in Ghostbusters after fears of poltergeist violence

Puppets for poltergeists?

After a spate of violent attacks on suspects or prisoners while in the vicinity of police officers and police cells, none of which can be attributed to any officer - according to the police involved, and the CPS, and the Association of Chief Police Officers - police forces across the country have begun to suspect poltergeist activity at work.

"In the end it was the only conclusion we could reach," said Superintendent Faithful of the Metropolitan Police. "Suspects sustained strange injuries while in our custody or nearby our officers. Certainly violence was done. In some cases people died. But this violence was not done by us. It's very upsetting when people suggest that. There are never any prosecutions because police officers just don't do that sort of thing, see? But injuries don't come from nowhere, so we think it might be ghosts. Well, we knew who to call to sort that out."

The Ghostbusters will be working for undisclosed sums in police stations and on police patrols up and down the country. "We don't want to reveal too much about our methods," Dr Peter Venkman of the Ghostbusters explained to journalists earlier today. "But after consorting with the spirit of my dead Uncle Mateus, who himself suffered mysterious violence in the vicinity of police officers, we think we've got some leads on this. We think a functioning video camera will be our main tool. The rest of it is all about getting the recording away from the area of poltergeist activity to a place of safety."

As yet no evidence of poltergeist activity has been forthcoming.