Monday, 8 November 2010

What to think about...The Olympics

Once you've seen it as Lisa giving Bart a blow job you never see anything else 
Behold! Another in my educational series of posts called "What to think about..." Their purpose is to summarise correct thinking and help steer people clear of obvious mental pitfalls. They are presented in a bullet-pointed style because management consultants tell us that no subject in the world is too complex to summarise in bullet points, and having seen one recently explain the causes of the Oxfordshire Rising of 1596 I'm inclined to agree.

  • The Olympics provides entertainment to millions of people, like X-factor
  • It creates peace between nations, like the UN, but by fast running and leaping and throwing rather than by talking and wearing blue helmets
  • World Peace for £7bn is a right bargain, particularly compared to the UN
  • The area it will be in will benefit from investment, even if it is investment in stadiums rather than, say, houses, or schools, or hospitals, and in fact throws people out of their homes for said stadiums
  • Children will be inspired to pursue excellence in sport, as they are encouraged to pursue excellence in all things, particularly if they go to academies, and fuck you little Josh if you just aren't excellent at anything
And now, unsporting thoughts such as might be harboured by losers and other inexcellent types:
  •  The world is hardly struggling to create light entertainment and it can be done a lot cheaper than by holding the Olympics. If you released an over-excited guinea-pig on the dancefloor during a Strictly Come Dancing episode it would entertain everyone as much as a gold medal in the javelin. Cost of a guinea-pig: £5. Cost of a caffeine pill to feed to the guinea-pig: 20p. Total cost: £5.20.
  • If you object to drug-fuelled family entertainment that's the Olympics out the window isn't it? Though of course if no one gets caught we can all pretend it isn't happening.
  • As far as I can see the people who really benefit from this huge expenditure of public money are property developers, building contractors, advertisers, providers of outsourced services, management consultants, politicians who get to strut around looking important, and media commentators who have so little to say that they are desperate for a chance to fake excitement about a man running a hundred metres.


  1. If you are thinking my bullet points are out of control, yes, they are, and any management consultant would be ashamed of them. I intend to discipline them in future to keep them to one or two lines.

  2. I think the author should have to undergo a random drug and species test. No bullet point created naturally by a human could be that long.