Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Clegg and Cameron hold Parliament and nation spellbound with Commons performance

David Cameron and Nick Clegg today ripped off their clothes during Prime Minister's Question Time and fucked each other there and then in a desperate attempt to distract the country from a crippling deficit, tax cuts for corporations, tax increases on spending, and sweeping cuts in public expenditure rolling back decades of progress made in forcing the government to pay for things that the corporations they support have no interest in providing.

To loud cheers from both sides of the house the two party leaders began by fucking each other on the green carpet of the house, then went on to do it doggy style over their seats. In a surprise move that will continue to generate column inches for months to come, it was Clegg who took Cameron from behind. The expression of pleasure on Cameron's face as this took place prompted many calls of 'Hyah hyah' from the back benches. MPs awarded marks as they watched for Style, Passion, Stamina and Finishing.

The speaker was content to let the performance continue, though when Clegg picked up the mace and fetched Cameron a few whacks on the posterior he did cry “Steady on now!”. Some have pointed out that his tone conveyed enthusiasm for the sight rather than genuine disapproval.

The performance finished in a rousing fashion when Clegg withdrew from Cameron, turned him around and came in his face. The spectacle earned a standing ovation that lasted several minutes longer than that for any parliamentary speech of the last twenty years.

Meanwhile the BBC has revealed that the performance was the most watched and recorded Prime Minister's Questions ever. Viewing figures reportedly rose dramatically throughout the thirty minute pounding as friends texted and called each other to tune in. Several recordings of the event are already on youtube. The BBC is planning to initiate legal proceedings to protect future DVD sales.

Cameron was quoted afterwards as saying, “It was a good Question Time. I've been wanting people to see what me and Nick can really do ever since we got into power. And no one asked anything about the privatisation of the NHS.” The division after the session suggested that Clegg had got the best of the exchange but Cameron was also said to be 'content' with the outcome.


  1. I believe doing it "doggy" style is also covered by the new extreme porn bill.

    However, I think the term "crippling deficit" is a bit of an over statement. Sure, it is not great but it is also not crippling. The UK money system is highly unlikley to collapse at these kind of national debt levels for instance.

    I think the governement is using the narrative of a "crippling deficit" to further the agenda that the Tory party has been follwing my whole life time (and quite some time before that); which is the transfer of wealth from one poorer section of society to another small but massively more wealthy section.

  2. I agree. The Tories are just doing what they do, and they've got a more plausible excuse than usual which prevents people from protesting too much.