Thursday, 2 September 2010

After years of suspicions, man finds the monster under his bed

Since the age of twelve Mervin Thorpe of Beccles has suspected, often to the derision of friends and relatives, that a monster lurked beneath his bed. Now thirty-seven and having moved house several times since childhood, the fear has always remained with him. Yesterday his fears were finally realised: he found the monster beneath his bed.

"It's kind of humanoid," explains Mr Thorpe, "with sort of brown-coloured skin. It usually wears a veil, often half-covered by a hoodie, and lives like a gypsy. It has dreadlocks and likes to carry a koran, though I can't say I've ever seen it pray."

While no one doubts its existence, some have suggested that the creature is too small to be a real monster. "I admit I was taken aback by the size of it," said Mr Thorpe. "It is only one inch tall. I admit I was expecting something bigger. But that explains why it took so long to find despite having its own caravan, which, by the way, was filthy."

Mr Thorpe says he knew for sure it was the monster he had always feared when he found several tiny photographs of naked children in the monster's caravan. "That was it," he said, "Sure, the monster said they were just holiday snaps but I wasn't going to listen to its excuses. I caught it and put a collar round its dusky neck to make sure it could never be free again."

Mr Thorpe now keeps the monster and its caravan in a cage beside his bed. Channel 4 is planning to make a documentary about the two of them entitled "There really are monsters under the bed – how scared should we be?"

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