Grave of the Macarena discovered

FARC battle dance?

The Macarena, the one-time popular dance by Los Del Rio, has finally been discovered dead in La Macarena, a small town in Colombia, buried in a mass grave with 2000 other corpses. The dance, which is usually performed when so drunk that the event will not be remembered the next day, has fallen dramatically in popularity in recent years but its death is attributed to the 7th Mobile Brigade of the Colombian army who were in the area at the time. The army claimed that because of its name the Macarena had been appropriated as a battle dance by FARC guerillas based in the town, but denied killing 2000 other civilians in the hope of frightening the entire area into submission or appropriating the land belonging to the dead.

Juan Manuel Santos, former defence chief, now President of Colombia, called a press conference to announce that there were only 370 or so corpses in the grave at La Macarena anyway, and that definitely no corpses had been removed as the grave stood unguarded. "As for the missing dance," he went on to say, "The identity of the corpse of the Macarena is unconfirmed so it cannot be discussed." However controversy broke out when later in the day he was overheard to say of the Macarena, "But really, who will miss it? It was very uncivilised." Santos is known to harbour a deep hatred of tacky dance numbers and human rights activists.

Many have expressed relief at the death of the over-energetic dance but questioned the need for the military or their paramilitary allies to kill so many other people along with it at a time when Colombia was engaged in a 'peace process'. Tony Blair however put out a press statement expressing his admiration for Santos, who pays him as a consultant on foreign policy matters. "I'm sure if the dance or anyone else died it was for the greater good," he said in an interview. "Santos and I have a real connection you know? We have both helped bring greater security to the world, so I understand exactly where he's coming from. And you've got to admit that dance was annoying."